A memorial and celebration of Matt's life was held on the one year anniversary of his death, December 29, 2007, at New Smyrna Beach, Florida. This was Matt's favorite place to surf, the jetty at New Smyrna Beach, so it seemed to be the perfect place to honor and remember him. We first had a memorial service and butterfly release at Smyrna Dunes Park which is right next to the jetty. They have a butterfly garden there so it was perfect. Many of Matthew's friends and relatives came out to show how much they love and miss Matt and I can't tell you how much it means to me. One of a mother's biggest fears after she loses her child is that her child will be forgotten. Realistic or not, it is a fear. When our children are acknowledged and remembered it means a great deal. Friends and family spoke about Matt, shared stories, memories about him. We then did the butterfly release and released 75 beautiful butterflies. When we first got there, there was one butterfly that just stayed around our area the whole time, flying from person to person. Many commented on that butterfly stating that they thought it was Matt letting us know he was there with us. And I have no doubt Matthew was with us that day. And he was letting us know. After the butterfly release we walked down to the ocean with a bottle that we had filled with messages for Matt. Two of Matt's diving friends from Florida State University, Gabrielle and Ashley, found an extremely nice surfer named Daniel and he agreed to take the bottle out in to the ocean for us to get it past the tide. Unfortunately, he came back to shore with the bottle. He was afraid to leave it out there as he could not get it to sink even with the sand we put in it and he was afraid that the tide would wash it right back in. We knew, without a doubt, that Matt was laughing at us. I know he got a kick out that! Matt's best friend, Travis, who was also in the car with him when the drunk driver crashed into them, offered to take the bottle out in his boat and drop in the ocean. All in all, it was a beautiful day. The weather was gorgeous, a sunny 85 degree day which is unusually warm for late December even in Florida. I was hoping for at least 70 degrees so that the butterflies could be released, this was way beyond my expectations. It was again one of the hardest days of my life but I know that Matt loved the way his life was celebrated.
(Travis took his boat out and launched the bottle in the ocean about 20 miles out.)
Why Butterflies?
Since the early centuries, the butterfly has symbolized renewed life. The caterpillar signifies life here on earth; the cocoon, death; and the butterfly, the emergence of the dead into a new, beautiful and freer existence.
Frequently, the butterfly is seen with the word "Nika," which means victory. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross movingly tells of seeing butterflies drawn all over the walls of the children's dormitories in the World War II concentration camps. Since Elisabeth believes in the innate intuitiveness of children, she concludes that these children knew their fate and were leaving us a message.
The Compassionate Friends embrace the butterfly as one of our symbols--a sign of hope to us that our children are living in another dimension with greater beauty and freedom, and that we may be able to build a new life after the death of our beloved children.
