Matthew William Beard - Online Memorial Website

Dear Connie, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and Matt. I lit a candle in memory of Matt yesterday for the TCF remembrance candle lighting. I know I have never met Matthew, but I feel like I know him. At least I know him through you, as you know Amberly through me. I know he is so proud of you. You do an amazing job with advocating and you inspire others around you. Thank you for helping me with so much, as you go through the process of grief as I do. I will forever value our friendship. I am so glad to have met you. You have helped me walk this terrible path that we must walk, not alone. Thank you so much for signing Amberly's memorial page. I appreciate you taking time to honor her and worry about me. Know that I am always here for you. Thank you for all that you do to help others. We, parents of a loss, walk together! Love and (((((hugs))))) Dana & Amberly

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My thoughts and prayers are with you especially now during the festive

season. I am Wishing you a gentle Christmas filled with beautiful

memories of Matthew.

JUST A NOTE TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SITE FOR A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, YOUR ANDREW!! I KNOW YOU PAIN, AS I ALSO LOST ONE OF MY SONS, ONLY HE CHOSE TO END HIS LIFE, AND WE, HIS FAMILY, DO NOT HAVE A CLUE AS TO WHY~YOU ARE IN OUR PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS. MAY GOD GIVE YOU COMFORT, STRENGTH, AND PEACE IN THE COMING YEARS. GOD BLESS YOU, MATTHEW'S FAMILY.♥♥

 

Dearest Connie, Thank you for visiting Troy's site and leaving the beautiful condoleance. Matthew is such an amazing young man and achieved so much in such a short amount of time, most people can only dream of what he did!  I know matthews dream was to come to Australia and dive in the great barrier reef, and his favorite saying "I'd rather be down under". I am sure that our Sons paths have crossed and they are good friends by now, and I can imagine Matthew teaching Troy to dive, something he always wanted to do, and together our babies are exploring all the beauties and secrets this wonderful reef has to offer.

Just like your Matt, Troy loved animals and over the years had some unusual pets, mice, rats, turtles, tadpoles, lizards, axolotl, fish, parrots, and bugs (Gosh I hated those creepy crawly things), I drew the line when he once asked for a python. Its not fair that a parent out lives a child, and I don't think it really matters how our children became an angel-the out come is the same. A mother with an unbearable pain and emptiness, our hopes, dreams and our future gone!

I pray for you Connie that justice is served, it should not matter if this person pleaded guilty, that wont bring matthew back, there should be no leniency!  I want you to know Connie that both You and Matthew are always in my thoughts and prayers. With Love, Edwina Mitchell.

Connie, a mama's boy is absolutely her most best friend on Earth.  Above and beyond ANYone HERE, HE is her greatest protecter, greatest EVERYTHING, best friend and all...  Same as a daughter has the highest respect for her fahter, I guess.

 

God, tho!!!!  DON'T it HURT...trying to peer into the future of what'could'a'beens?

 

Don't get me wrong.  I forgive Jacky's killer, not because I want him to go free...but because(( I)) need to be...free.  I need to be FREE from anger, bitterness, discontent...resentment...

 

I don't want my emotions to stand between me and my family, which they somehow do in my moments of....tears.

 

I want to channel my grief into a positive way, same as you are seemingly doing with Matthew's killer.  You are out there, Pretty Lady, in the schools, government...doing what you have to do to get laws changed, young minds changed... 

 

Just because I CHOOSE to forgive Jacky's killer, doesn't mean that I want him to go FREE.  Noooo, I want him punished!  Especially since he has been charged three more times after Jacky's death with the same offence. (Shows that he has no remorse at all, if you ask me).  Seems cocaine is his major problem, be it sales or...just something of a demeanor charge that he likes to snort himself, and he keeps getting caught with..

 

I WANT HIM PUT AWAY for other's good!!  Jacky's sister wants him put away, and keeps working, each arrest, between the states of  Mississippi and Georgia...

 

But that doesn't mean that I can't forgive him.

 

I HAVE to, tho.  Anger and bitterness is a pill that will kill and destroy life around me.  I feel so bad when I break down and cry around the most intimate around me, my husband, that is trying so hard to be strong for me.  Part of him wonders how to handle me, the other part tries to sound stronger than he would/could be in my situation of loss.

 

I KNOW that HE could not handle a loss such as this, what you and I are going through...

 

They irritate us trying to>>that is where anger and bitterness could set in being the wrong pill to swallow...

 

We just don't have a choice.  We have to forgive, be able to, to keep things on an even keel.  If we can't forgive, then we can't be forgiven for our simply silly things/wrongs, thoughts, feelings.

 

If we can't forgive, then God can't hear us, our cries...no matter how good we have been, or how good we are being, or seemingly how good things are going at the moment.

 

I WANT to be with JACKY!  I WANT to be at HIS level. 

 

God knows that IN MY HEART....I forgive...

 

YOU, Pretty Lady, are a peace of art.  Not only are you beautiful, but are pushing mountains, you are making statements in this world.  YOU are a woman to be admired, a mama defending her son...

 

Imagine what you can do with that emotion...Forgiveness...happening...

 

God is with you.  It's evident!!

Although I also hate the way we met, I'm so glad to know you now.  You and Matthew are an inspiration to me and many others, truly special people.  I can see through you, where Matt got such great qualities and through this webiste, Matt's love of family, dedication and determination, his caring nature, his sense of humor, love of life and so many more wonderful things.  It is an outrage that he was taken from you!  So senseless and preventable.  The trial is coming up and I know that it will be extremely difficult for you!  I will be here to listen, every day if you want and I will wear Matt's bracelet and will be constantly thinking of you and Matt.

 

Connie - I saw a posting from you recently on Griefhaven and just had to come visit Matt's site. I'm so terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Matt. I am not a parent myself (infertility) but lost my nephew Christopher to a man with a history of DUI/DWI convictions who fled the scene after hitting Chris, leaving him to die on the side of the road. This man had been drinking also, though since he fled and wasn't found till the following day, they could not charge him with DWI or DUI. We have another similarity. Chris is the only child of my brother Brian and his ex-wife Amy. He is my parents' only grandchild. He was the light and life of our family and now he is gone, killed at the age of 16. So impossible to believe it will be 5 years in November. Your story has touched my heart.. and I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I also lost a friend to a drunk driver when I was a teenager, she was killed on her 18th birthday. I just wanted to let you know I will remember Matt in my heart always.. luv and hugs, Karen proud aunt of Christopher 12.1.86-11.12.03 http://home.nycap.rr.com/chrismemory

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Matthew. I too know the pain of having my child killed by a drunk driver. Matthew's Site is beautiful and I feel that I know him a bit from this special site. I have no answers, but I do send my love and understanding. Please visit my child's site at  http: krystal-long-duss.memory-of.com

Hi Connie,

Thank you for sharing Matt's and your story--for you were the part of him that make all of his beautiful, precious life possible.  I went to Florida State and was a member of the FSU SCUBA club and majored in Underwater Archeology, leaving FSU in 2002.  I am now a single mother and your story touched me so very much and I'm determined to teach my son and his friends about drunk driving and how it can kill.  Your son and the story of his amazing, awe-inspiring life will stay with me and created a lasting memory.  Thank you for sharing your grief with me--and for letting me "meet" Matt through this website.  He was truly a blessing and son who brought so much joy to us.

Yours,

B. Anderson

 

Hello Connie,

I was thinking of you this morning and found myself back at Matt's site. As I read your heartfelt words about his life...and...his DEATH, I just knew exactly how you felt and continue to feel. I wish this pain on no one; it's not supposed to happen, but we have been delt with a personal assault that will infinitely be a part of our lives. I sensed your pain as you wrote about sitting with you son in the ICU. Andrew's body was essentially unharmed externally as well; for that, I am grateful, but knowing that the ventilator was breathing for him...that he couldn't even breathe on his own, was so devastating to me. How we take such things for granted; just to be able to take a breath without assistance is a gift, but for whatever reason, God decided that it was time for Andrew and Matt to move on to his Kingdom. (I rely on this thought and those words far more than most people would realize.)

Just wanted to touch base with you to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers; God bless you and yours and may your heart always be filled with memories of Matt and the bond that you shared.

Hugs and prayers always,

Debi Collins

http://andrew-collins.last-memories.com

Connie your dedicated wedsite to Matthew is just beautiful, I can clearly tell how very much he is loved and missed by you. You have captured your special angel's memories so perfectly by the beautiful pictures, poems and touching stories that come straight from your heart.  I feel as if I now know matthew myself. He is a handsome young man with the most amazing smile the kind that I would imagin would light up a room when ever he walked in.Matthew has accomplished so much in his very young life, You have to be so very proud of him. Matthew would be proud of the beautiful tribute you have created in his memorie, his memory is kept alive because of you. Connie I feel the pain you live everyday, I lost my  own son not by a tragic accident, Troy simply called past he had a headache we where in the 12th day of a heatwave so I natually assumed he had a touch of heat stoke, he was sitting on the couch resting, I would of never thought  in a thousand years that when I left that room that it would be the very last time I would ever talk to my Son. When i returned it was to late, I frantically tried to revive Troy until the ambulance arrived there was nothing they could do. Troy had suffered an aneurysm. I could not save my own child something I now have to live with for the rest of my life . Just like you my precious Son is not with me and I feel incomplete a big part of me is missing. I have found this wedsite so supporting and in some ways helping me grieve. There are some amazing people that are travelling the same road as us and I have found that together it makes the journey a little easier. Connie you are in my thoughts and prayers always, you are not alone! I am here to listen in ever you need to talk ~ Edwina Mitchell Mum to Troy Anthony Mitchell  http://www.troy-mitchell.last-memories.com./  

Connie:

Your website is a beautiful tribute honoring your son and sharing your heart with all who read it.  Although I never knew Matthew, I know that the world has lost a wonderful person.  You are an amazing person and it is people like you and Matthew that make a difference in the world.  He was truly a wonderful young man.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Dearest Connie,

I just returned from the beach and naturally, went immediately to An drew's site. From there, I revisited Matt's memorial tribute. I spent an hour just reading the beautiful words and looking into the eyes of such an adorable little fellow who grew up, just as our Andrew did, into such a fine, handsome young man.

I'm not sure why today, of all days, I found myself sobbing. Isn't it odd, isn't it almost an unspoken rule of sorts, that after a "period of time," grief should subside and life moves forward. I think back, almost three years ago, to the night that our Andrew was involved in the automobile accident...July 12th, 2005. Am I better now, than I was then? Or perhaps, has time simply molded me into a person that I never was before his death, on July 16th, 2005?  You know my inner thoughts and feelings Connie...one day, I had a husband and three children...the next day, without warning, without time to prepare and without one last hug...we were a family of FOUR.

I feel your love for Matt in every word, in every picture and in the undeniable way that you will reach the people who should be aware of the dangers of driving under the influence of any mind alterring subtance. I will be thinking of you in September, as you meet this person in a court room.  Would it hurt any less if I could blame someone for Andrew's death??  I can't imagine it begin possible, but the real facts remain...Andrew was driving too fast and made a snap decision that changed our lives forever and ended his own.

You are in my thoughts and prayers each day now Connie. Andrew and Matt are fine, and life goes on without them here with us physically, however, no one can take away our memories.

Hugs and prayers,

Debi Collins

http://andrew-collins.last-memories.com

Connie

I visited this site right after I saw the condolence you wrote on my daughter Mia's page. I know that it is terrible to lose a child to DUI. We are not supposed to bury our children. They are supposed to out live us., but they were taken so soon, so God must have a special place for them in heaven. They are now safe and out of harms way. Mia and Matthew are probobly up in there chatting about surfing right about now. I think that what you are doing by speaking about DUI is beautiful.Stay strong. Rest in peace Matthew.

Dearest Connie,

Where do I begin? How can I possibly expand on my comprehension of your pain? Why is it that reading your words literally broke my heart? You son, Matthew, died too young, he certainly had so much ahead of him and loved the life that he was living. I don't have answers and I assure you...if I did, I would be the answer to so many mother's prayers.

I'm not even sure how I found this site, but I praise your efforts and the manner in which you have captured Matthew in a way that even strangers can relate. I am so, so very sorry for your loss Connie. I know the pain, the void, the way that everyday is so different and how time truly will begin to change your emotional status and your inner well being.

Andrew was my stepson. He came into my life at the age of two and a half years old and he literally "HAD ME FROM HELLO!"  He grew IN my heart versus UNDER it as his sisters did, but never, ever, was he anything less to me than my own son, my "bonus" boy from God. He was closer to me than he was to his own father. He grew up with me and his sisters...we laughed, we cried, we yelled at ball games until our throats were sore the next day, but we were a family. And then, at 18 and a half years old...he left us and our lives changed forever.

On July 12th, 2005, Andrew was involved in a tragic automobile accident in which he was ejected from his car. He suffered blunt force trauma to his head, underwent a craniotomy (partical removal of the skull) and remained unresponsive on a ventilator until July 16th, 2005, at which time he was declared brain dead and efforts began to contact organ recipients. Those four days in the neurointensive care unit remind me of things that you said. Friends everywhere, the waiting room encompassed with so many young souls with the absolute worst look of fear in their eyes, and Andrew' sisters sleeping on the floor. I knew that he wasn't going to wake up; I knew the tell tell signs of brain death. As a former Respiratory Therapist, I monitored brain injuries every two hours; it hurt me to know but it hurt me worse to know that I couldn't say Good-bye and I love you and hear it back from my son...not ever again. Fortunately, other than a badly broken leg which he never felt, and a bandaged head, his handsome face was unharmed.

July 16th will be three years for us...three years since we said good-bye and three years since we walked out of the hospital in a daze, not really understanding, not even beginning to think about making funeral arrangements and purchasing a burial plot...no, not us, not for our Andrew.

Please know that you and your family as well as Matthew's girlfriend and buddies, will be in my heart and prayers. Please visit Andrew's site and ask any of his friends to do the same. Maybe we can all feel a sense of peace that Andrew and Matthew are together.

My prayers always..Debi Collins     Fayetteville, NC

debi.lynne@hotmail.com

http://andrew-collins.last-memories.com

Connie:
What a wonderful website!  I know Matt is looking down and is so proud of his mom and what she has done.  You have accomplished so much to keep Matt's dream, life, and smile alive.  What a wonderful gift you have given Matt.

Connie

I am so very sorry that you and this world lost Matthew...reading these pages brought me to tears...for him...for you...for all of your loved ones...for all of us...for the world. We were so bleesed to have had men such as these in our lives...we are their legacy...and Matthew must be so proud of you...watching you...walking with you...hugging you along this journey...I try too...everyday for Ernie...

love,

martha

Connie, you are an amazing woman. Matt must be telling evenyone in heaven how proud he is of you. You have made sure that Mathew will always be remembered and you've done it beautifully. I know how much I love my daughter but I also know there is nothing in this world that compares to the love a mother has for her child. Your love for Mathew shows in every word you've writted on these pages. I know Matthew still feels that love just as he did every day of his life here on earth. I am so proud to have such a beautiful, loving sister and I promise to think of Matt every day.

Your son was so beautiful,,,,,You were so blessed to have such an amazing son.

 

I know that this is a horrible journey for you, one that no one should ever have to take...the days are very long..the nights longer...

 

You are now Matthews voice ,go forward to make a difference in this life in his memory. GO NOT LET ANYONE GET AWAY WITH DRINKING AND DRIVING...

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you .....sister in GRIEF,,,,yvette

Connie,

You have done such a wonderful job with this web site.  I know Matthew would be proud of you.  You are a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for.  Keep on telling his story and getting the message out there.  The world needs more people like you.  I know you miss him so much and I can't even imagine what it is like for you.  But just know I am always there for you and only a phone call away.