MY EVERYTHING
Matthew was my first child, my last child, my only child. I raised him by myself. The two of us. He is and will always be my world, my everything. Forever.
NO GOODBYES
No one quite understands
How dark my world has become.
The days drag on forever;
No joy, just pain, so numb.
“You’re strong” they say, “Amazing”
"I admire so much what you do"
They don’t see behind the mask;
I’m not amazing, I've been broken in two.
It's not that my world as I knew it
Has changed so drastically;
It's that my entire world
Has totally ceased to be.
I sit alone day after day
And nighttime always arrives.
I still have that hope that the phone might ring,
"Mom, it was a mistake - I'm alive!"
The phone rarely rings and it's never my child,
And I'm forced to see another sun rise.
As lives carry on day after day
Slowly more and more of me dies.
My son belonged here, living his life
But since someone chose for that not to be;
Why am I sentenced to life on Earth?
How can God be this cruel to me?
My life truly began the day he was born;
From that moment on I knew "why".
My life truly ended the day he died;
Now just darkness, no goodbyes....
By Connie Beard
Matt's Mom
My Son, My World, My Hero
Mother and Child
I was there.
I sat with you
the vigil through days
and nights, pleading with heaven
that I might take your place.
Heaven did not want me,
but you, my beautiful boy.
I was there.
I held your still hand,
never to clasp mine again,
as it so often did
when you were small..
How is it then,
that I look for you in every crowd?
The breeze blows open my door,
I turn to see if you are there.
Footsteps approaching,
I raise my eyes
expecting to see you,
hands in pockets, all smiles.
Then I remember anew,
that heaven has taken you.
My boy, my boy,
that you could sing to me
just one more song.
That I could hold you
in my arms once again,
if only for a moment.
How is it that I see you
around every corner?
How is it that I hear your voice
upon the evening breeze?
That lovely gossamer thread,
that binds mother and child
together,
That part of me that was you,
the part of you that was me,
Is still tightly woven together my son,
I hear you on the breeze
because you sing still,
out of heaven .
That gossamer thread
will lead me home to you,
wait for me my darling boy.
I love you.
-Mommy
By Kelly Cummings
A Mother's Grief
You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go
How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see
You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The moment I start to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.
Because I am so lonely,
you see, friends no longer come around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.
Everyone avoids me now,
I guess they don't know what to say
They told me I'll be there for you,
then turned and walked away.
Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?
No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?
I am tired of pretending
my heart hammers in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.
How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?
Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket,
watched it perched above a grave?
You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.
If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.
Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."
Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.
I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.
By Kelly Cummings
12/8/03
